GOING TO WORK IN WINTER IN HOUSTON:
1. Two minutes to go time, put on jacket if it’s below 60 degrees.
2. Step out door of house.
3. Lock door.
4. Get in car and leave
5. Drive to office.
6. Arrive at garage and park car.
7. Lock car.
8. Enter building.
9. Remove jacket.
10. Arrive at office and begin work day.
GOING TO WORK IN WINTER IN CHICAGO:
1. Fifteen minutes to go time, pack office shoes to take to work with you.
2. Put on winter boots.
3. Put on jacket.
4. Put on overcoat.
5. Put on knit hat.
6. Put on gloves.
7. Put on scarf.
8. Decide you need to go to the bathroom.
9. Remove scarf.
10. Remove gloves.
11. Remove overcoat.
12. Go to the bathroom.
13. Re-don overcoat.
14. Re-don gloves.
15. Re-don scarf.
16. Go out to car.
17. Scrape snow and ice off of windshield enough to see out of a 6” x 6” square.
18. Enter vehicle and start.
19. Crank heater up hot enough to shoot flames from the vents.
20. Remove gloves.
21. Remove hat because you don’t want to look like a dork while you’re driving down the freeway.
22. Remove scarf for same reason.
23. Unbutton overcoat so you have a tiny bit of arm mobility.
24. Wait for at least 5 minutes for defrost to kick in enough for wipers to scrape more snow and ice off of windshield.
25. Drive to work.
26. One block from your house, realize you forgot to lock the door.
27. Drive back to house.
28. Lock door.
29. Get back in car and drive to work.
30. Arrive at garage and park car.
31. Rebutton overcoat.
32. Re-don hat.
33. Re-don scarf.
34. Re-don gloves.
35. Get out of car. Lock it and walk one block to work, shivering and freezing your heinie off all the way, while telling yourself that you’re so lucky to have this adventure.
36. Arrive at building.
37. Take off gloves and hat.
38. Smooth hair back into place.
39. Tuck gloves in overcoat pocket.
40. Tuck hat in other overcoat pocket.
41. Ride elevator up to office.
42. See hair in reflection in elevator and realize you look like a cartoon character only not funny.
43. Enter work area.
44. Remove scarf.
45. Remove overcoat.
46. Realize one of your gloves fell out of the pocket.
47. Walk back down hallway to elevator, looking for missing glove.
48. Take elevator back down to first floor of building.
49. Find glove on the floor in the middle of the lobby. Mumble, “There you are!” like you’re a crazy, homeless person.
50. Ride elevator back up to office.
51. Hang up overcoat.
52. Remove winter boots.
53. Take office shoes out of pack and put them on.
54. Realize you have shoes from two different pairs in your pack.
55. Put head on desk and cry.
56. Begin work day.
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